That monstrous-looking thing up there is the Prombon Monaco Red Diamond - a Russian-built beast of a vehicle designed for equal parts, luxury, comfort and deep strikes into hostile territory.

As your eyes can surely attest, the Red Diamond is Russia's combat-ready answer to the American hummer; just as ugly, but making up for it's asthetic displeasure by being capable of protecting driver and passengers from close-range assault by RPG-armed crazy people (likely a common problem in Vodka-fueled Russia).

It is a diamond-encrusted, gold-plated, kevlar coated, bullet-proof testament to Russia's will to not only outdo everything American but to do so in opulent, combat-ready, militant glory.

Oh... And as if the gold-plated, bullet-proof windows and diamond-encrusted badges weren't extravagent enough, the damned thing has been upholstered with whale penis leather!

I didn't even know such a thing existed! Seriously!? Whale penis leather!? Why!?

Is this what it has come to? The rich have been so jaded by their wealth, so desensitized to the extravagance of the lives they lead that the only way to make an impression and feel special amongst their golf-playing, country club friends is to drive around in the ultimate in "small man" compensation, fully uphoulstered with leather made from the biggest penises in the world?

For those who'd like to feel the comfort of sinking into genuine whale penis leather while blazing a hostile trail behind enemy lines, securely encapsulated in kevlar and tungsten, the Prombon Monaco Red Diamond can be yours for the insane price of $1.5 million (R10.85 million).

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